She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
