she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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