i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
