i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
