woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
