Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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