Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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