I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
