the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
