woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i think my cat just said my name.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
