if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
