420 ftw
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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