She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Randomize
