Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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