Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
