Princesses don't give blow jobs
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
