is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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