I wish my penis had an off switch
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
