her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
