I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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