Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
