so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
