There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
