Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
