I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
