just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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