She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
