I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
