Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
