She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
