I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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