Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's blow job season.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
