Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
