I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
