ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
