why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
