what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
