What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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