i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
