Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
