I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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