It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have tasted many bathrooms
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
