We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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