i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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