i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
