the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
