he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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