My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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