So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
