Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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