I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
