Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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