there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
