Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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