you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
