Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
