I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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