You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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