Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
