Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
